That's the Spirit

I’m early to my gate, so I get to watch the spectacle of a Spirit flight boarding.

The girl sitting next to me is playing video games, oblivious to it all, but I’m enjoying the show.

People are slinging profanities at the gate workers, who are slinging back rules and regulations.

Others desperately try to prove their bag is small enough to fit under the seat.

An announcement comes over the speakers and puts an end to their thrashing:

“Final call, doors closing, they will not be reopened. Final call.”

As punishment, they pay $100.

I get a guilty pleasure from it all, until I remember; I’m next.

I mean, my flight is next.

And now I’m worried about my bag.

It’s big, and I was counting on the gate workers not caring to check.

But these guys are ruthless.

They did not let anyone off the hook, and I’m sure they’ll check my bag.

There’s a little metal box in front of the gate with an open top.

Let’s call it The Box of Judgement.

If your bag fits all the way in, you’re clear. If not… pay up.

And The Box is pretty small. And my bag is pretty big.

I want to test it before my flight, but I don’t want the gate workers to see.

If I fail right there, my cover will be blown, and then goodbye Mr. Benjamin.

I sneak away from the gate and find another Box of Judgement in a corner.

Unseen, I lift the bag above The Box, feeling like a reverse Prince Arthur trying to put Excalibur back in the stone.

As The Box is sallwed by the shadow of my definitely-too-big bag, I lose all hope.

But then with a slight push, the air squeezes out of the bag, and it slides down.

A perfect fit.

I sigh in relief.

The rando sitting nearby hears me say “Oh that’s nice,” as I walk out of the corner with a big smug grin.

For a moment I wonder that they think, then realize I don’t care.

As I swagger back to my gate, I see a straggler. I think to myself that I hope they test my bag so I can repeat this triumph in the public arena.

As I sit back down, I see the video game girl getting turned away from the gate.

She was so busy with the game she missed the whole boarding process!

Spirit is hilarious.

I might send a newsletter sometime.